Parenting is said to be the most rewarding journey of your life. What many don’t know is that it’s also the most confusing full-time job you never applied for. A job that you can’t resign from, and are wildly underqualified for — yet somehow expected to ace. Welcome to the parenting paradox, where every right decision feels wrong by evening, and every wrong decision comes wrapped in a life lesson X or Grok would approve of.
Perpetual Dilemma
“Early responsibility was shared between extended neighbours and community. Today, it is usually just two adults,” says Dr Madhumitha Ezhil Kumar, Founder of Screenfree Parent.
At the same time, parents today are surrounded by an overwhelming overload of information. Every decision: what to feed, how much screen time is okay, how to discipline, comes with competing advice. The pressure to get it “right” is constant, and rarely ever quiet.
Then there’s a deeper shift at play. Many parents today are consciously trying to move away from the way they were raised, away from fear or raised voices, towards more mindful and respectful ways of responding. But that isn’t easy either. Dr Madhumitha explains, “Simply put, it’s not that parents are failing, it’s that they’re carrying a lot.”
Riddhi Doshi Patel, a Certified Child Psychologist, Parenting Counsellor & Corporate Trainer adds, “In the past, it was said that it takes a village to raise a child.” She opines that parents then were less stressed as they were aware that members around would chip in.
Emotional Burnout
Not just this, but this mismatch often leads to a spree of burnout episodes. Riddhi explains, “Parents today are not just raising children. They are expected to manage emotions, be financially stable, socially skilled and under constant pressure of ‘I have to be right. I have to be performing.’”
It is this invisible checklist, she explains, that has quietly redefined what parenting looks like today. What was once an instinctive, community-supported journey has now turned into a high-stakes, almost performative role, one where parents are constantly second-guessing themselves. With limited support systems and an overwhelming influx of opinions, many find themselves navigating this space alone, carrying the weight of getting everything “right.”
Over time, what begins as responsibility slowly morphs into pressure, subtle at first, but deeply consuming. It is perhaps this very shift that has also contributed to a growing number of young couples consciously choosing a no-child life, prioritising personal space, emotional bandwidth, and professional aspirations over the demands of parenthood.
Drawing from her practice, Riddhi observes that this pressure often spills into the parent-child dynamic in unexpected ways. While many parents express a desire to build easy, friendly relationships with their children, the reality feels far more complex.
Attempts to be approachable and “buddy-like” frequently give way to a sense of constant supervision — of monitoring routines, regulating behaviour, and keeping pace with a child who seems to be evolving faster than they can keep up with. In trying to strike the right balance, parents often find themselves slipping into the role of managers rather than companions, orchestrating rather than experiencing the journey. Riddhi quips, “And because of this, many a time their relationship as spouses too gets affected.”
Constant Comparison
There is also an unspoken third presence in most homes today, silent, ever-scrolling, and impossibly curated. Social media, particularly platforms like Instagram, has slipped into the parenting ecosystem not as a tool, but as a quiet benchmark.
What parents are often consuming are not just ideas, but highlight reels of perfectly packed lunch boxes, aesthetically organised playrooms, emotionally articulate toddlers, and parents who seem endlessly patient and present.
Social media is performative, and it can lead to parents constantly comparing themselves. Watch influencers, go to Instagram and try the free advice doled out on their kids. Riddhi quips, “Parents imbibe information from such sources and set unrealistic goals for themselves. They fall into the guilt trap.” Her advice is to engage oneself with a hobby, or simply doing nothing also helps.
Riddhi stresses, “Self-care is most important. It can be a simple 10-minute exercise, sitting with a cup of tea, gardening or listening to soothing music.”
This helps parents carve out some time for themselves. Dr Madhumitha says, “We need to move away from perfection and focus on consistency and repair.” Good parenting is not about getting it right all the time, but rather about being able to repair things and situations when they swing the other way.
Dr Madhumitha maintains that the parents’ well-being also plays a crucial role in the entire equation. She quips, “A regulated, supported adult is far more valuable to a child than an exhausted parent trying to meet impossible standards.”
Redefining Parenting
There was a time when parenting came with a script — clear roles, fixed rules, and a quiet confidence that authority alone could shape a child’s future. That script has long been discarded. In its place stands a far more complex, and often unsettling, reality: parenting today is less about control and more about calibration.
To redefine parenting is not to dilute it, but to reposition it. The modern parent is no longer the unquestioned authority at the top of a hierarchy, but a steady presence within a relationship. Parents today are negotiators, interpreters, and sometimes even students of their own children!
Disclaimer : This story is auto aggregated by a computer programme and has not been created or edited by DOWNTHENEWS. Publisher: deccanchronicle.com
