HENDERSON, NV—In an effort to rise to his feet from the seated position, local dad Robert Palacios was reportedly rocking back and forth Monday to gain enough momentum to sit up from his chair. According to several reports, the 73-year-old used the mass of his large belly like a pendulum’s counterweight as he oscillated to and fro, building up the speed necessary to free himself from the recliner. Living room sources confirmed that Palacios, whose face grew red as he accelerated, produced rhythmic, involuntary guttural noises each time he lurched upward and fell back down into the seat cushion, failing in his repeated attempts to reach escape velocity. At press time, Palacios was said to be motionless after hurtling forward and crashing into the wall.
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