WASHINGTON—Reflecting on the past fling and remarking how time had flown by, local golden retriever Daisy told reporters Thursday that she could not believe the guy she hooked up with 10 years ago was now the head of the FBI. “I remember seeing him on TV and thinking, ‘No, that can’t be Kash,’ but sure enough, there he was, addressing the nation about a missing person case,” said Daisy, noting that she was surprised she even remembered their sexual rendezvous, which occurred after a long night of heavy drinking. “When I woke up the next morning, I immediately snuck out of his apartment and hoped I’d never run into him again. I was so embarrassed. Sure, he’s tried to message me a few times over the last decade. He’s been obsessed with me ever since we hooked up, but I never replied, because I just assumed he was still a total fucking loser. Christ, he looks a lot worse now.” At press time, Daisy questioned whether she should get in touch with Patel and mention the litter he had sired with her.
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