CHICAGO—Anticipating the announcement would rank among the biggest scoops of his career, ESPN senior NBA insider Shams Charania is said to have casually mentioned to his colleagues Tuesday that he was really looking forward to breaking the news of Michael Jordan’s eventual death. “When MJ dies, I’ll be right there with a ‘breaking news’ post on all the socials—it’ll probably start trending immediately,” Charania told his reportedly silent coworkers in the ESPN break room, adding that he had been hard at work cultivating sources within various hospitals and hospices in the Jupiter, FL, area in order to ensure he had exclusive access to the six-time NBA Finals MVP’s death certificate and autopsy photos. “I’ll probably keep it real classy and straightforward. Just an announcement of when and where he died, with a thing at the end that’s like, ‘Men die, but legends live forever.’ Or maybe I can get ‘Just do it’ in there somehow. I don’t know, I’m still workshopping it. Luckily, I have a few years to iron this out.” At press time, sources confirmed Charania had opened Canva to work on the custom graphic he was designing to accompany Jordan’s death announcement, a stark, black-and-white image reading simply, “23.”
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