When a child misbehaves, a parent’s first instinct may be to withdraw, stop responding or refuse to speak until the child realises their mistake. While some parents see “silent treatment” as a way to avoid shouting or teaching a lesson, repeatedly withdrawing communication can leave children confused about what they have done wrong, and more importantly whether they are still loved.
Dr. Nishant Bansal, Consultant Pediatrician and Neonatologist at Motherhood Hospitals, Noida, explains, “Repeated exposure to the silent treatment can affect a child’s sense of security and confidence.”
For a child, a parent’s silence can mean much more than disapproval. It can feel like a sudden loss of emotional connection, particularly when the child is too young to understand the difference between a parent needing space and deliberately ignoring them as punishment. Over time, these experiences may influence how children understand relationships, express their feelings and respond to conflict.
Feeling Of Rejection
Children rely on their parents and caregivers for emotional security. However, when a parent repeatedly relies on silent treatment, it impacts the child. “They (children) may begin to believe that expressing anger, making mistakes or sharing their feelings could lead to withdrawal of affection,” Dr Bansal says.
This can affect a child’s self-esteem and willingness to communicate openly. While some children may withdraw and become reluctant to share their feelings, others may experience anxiety or constantly seek approval to avoid the possibility of rejection.
The Long-term Impact
Children learn how to manage difficult emotions by observing how adults respond to them. “My mother would punish me with silent treatment when I did not something wrong. I felt terrible and lonely. Often, I would cry myself to sleep. I know how unhealthy and damaging it was. I never do that to my daughter,” says Vidya Patil, a single mother. When disagreements are followed by prolonged silence, children may struggle to understand how conflict can be resolved through conversation. Instead of learning to acknowledge frustration, apologise or explain their perspective, they may learn that expressing disagreement risks losing someone’s attention or affection.
Emotional Turmoil
Dhara Ghuntla, a psychologist and psychotherapist, who is affiliated with several hospitals says that repeated silent treatment can interfere with the way children learn to understand and regulate their emotions. “When a parent repeatedly stops communicating after a conflict, the child may focus more on regaining the parent’s attention than understanding what went wrong,” she explains.
Such experiences may contribute to people-pleasing tendencies, difficulty setting boundaries and discomfort with expressing disagreement. Children may also carry these patterns into adulthood, influencing how they handle conflict and build relationships.
A child who learns to prioritise keeping others happy to avoid rejection may find it difficult to say “No”, communicate discomfort or disagree with someone they care about.
Take A Break
Not every instance of silence is harmful. Dr. Bansal emphasises that parents can take a break without making a child feel abandoned. Explaining that you need a few minutes to settle down, reassuring the child that you will return to the conversation, can help establish healthy boundaries. The intention behind the silence, along with the reassurance offered to the child, makes an important difference.
For instance, a parent saying, “I am upset right now, so I need a little time to calm down. We will talk about what happened in a few minutes,” communicates a need for space without suggesting that affection has disappeared.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries does not require parents to withdraw emotional connection. Children need to understand that their actions have consequences, but they also need to know that making a mistake does not make them unworthy of love and attention.
For example, if a child speaks rudely during an argument, a parent can acknowledge that the child is angry while making it clear that hurtful language is unacceptable. This allows the parent to validate the emotion without approving of the behaviour. Parents can also encourage children to apologise when appropriate, discuss what they might do differently next time and identify healthier ways to express frustration. These approaches teach children that discipline is about learning and repairing harm rather than simply avoiding punishment.
Agree To Disagree
The ability to repair a disagreement is an important part of healthy family relationships. Parents can acknowledge when they have handled a situation poorly, apologise for withdrawing or speaking harshly, and reassure their children that the relationship remains secure even when behaviour needs to change.
Ultimately, children do not need parents who never become frustrated. They need adults who can model what happens after frustration: taking responsibility, communicating boundaries, listening and finding a way forward.
The goal of discipline is not simply to make children comply. It is to help them develop the emotional understanding and communication skills they will need throughout their lives. Sometimes, the most effective lesson a parent can offer is not silence, but a conversation that makes room for both accountability and reassurance.
When a parent repeatedly stops communicating after a conflict, the child may focus more on regaining the parent’s attention than understanding what went wrong.”
— Dhara Ghuntla, Psychologist & psychotherapist
Repeatedly using the silent treatment can make children feel rejected, insecure and unsure of their parents’ love.”
— Dr. Nishant Bansal, Consultant Paediatrician and Neonatologist
Disclaimer : This story is auto aggregated by a computer programme and has not been created or edited by DOWNTHENEWS. Publisher: deccanchronicle.com
