More Americans than ever are choosing to watch movies at home rather than going out to the theater. The Onion lays out the drawbacks and benefits of both experiences.
Concessions:
Streaming: 790 calories of stale crackers, spoonfuls of peanut butter, and shredded cheese.
Theaters: 790 calories of whatever 16-year-old theater employee didn’t confiscate.
Size Of Vin Diesel’s Head:
Streaming: Unacceptably small
Theaters: Gigantic, as God meant for it to be seen
Sound Quality:
Streaming: Tough to hear dialogue while cooking, vacuuming, and practicing drums
Theaters: Dental fillings shaken loose by sound of Coca-Cola ad
Screen Size:
Streaming: A giant 55 inches
Theaters: A middling 50 feet
Get To Walk By Pottery Barn Before Watching:
Streaming: Rarely
Theaters: Often
Worst Annoyance:
Streaming: Constant buffering
Theaters: Constant gunfire
Drawbacks:
Streaming: Rarely finish movie without encountering distraction
Theaters: Forced to finish movie without any distractions
Glen Powell:
Streaming: Yup, he’s here.
Theaters: Plenty of Powell here, too.
Thing You Wanted To See:
Streaming: Unavailable
Theaters: Sold Out
Dynamically Inserted Ads:
Streaming: In Use
Theaters: Just You Wait
Way To Cheat The System:
Streaming: Use friend’s login
Theaters: Wear homemade mask to resemble AMC Stubs member
Quality Of Films:
Streaming: Terrible, formulaic movies made with shoestring budgets
Theaters: Terrible, formulaic movies made with $100 million budgets
Feeling Afterward:
Streaming: Wish you saw it in a theater
Theaters: Wish you just stayed home
Disclaimer : This story is auto aggregated by a computer programme and has not been created or edited by DOWNTHENEWS. Publisher: theonion.com
